Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize