are you so shy because you have an std?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
