Just fell off a train. Bad.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
