hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
