I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
