Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
