ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
and you fell through a lawn chair
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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