just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I would ride that face into the sunset
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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