You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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