Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
