I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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