I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
