He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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