puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
