This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
