Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
