One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
