i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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