PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize