I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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