Buhtt sex?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
