Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
