I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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