so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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