Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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