And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
