It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
