How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
