NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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