I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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