she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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