My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
