just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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