he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
