Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
