He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
