there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
