We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
