i can't believe i had my finger in that
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
