he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
