Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
