I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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