Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
