I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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