Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
