I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
