i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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