do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
