my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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