she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I think I won the penis lottery.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
