trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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