so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
