If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
