Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I want to walk on stilts...naked
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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