I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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