Me too!
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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