Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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