You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
