The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
