I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
