Umm I'm too high to move.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize