So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
