she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize
