gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
