i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
