8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I understand Curling. That high.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
