what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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