So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
