I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
