It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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