pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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