I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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