Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
