He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I need a burrito and a hug.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
