In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
They took my balls.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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