McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
