so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
