I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
