They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
