textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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