two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize