dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
