all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
