I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
