OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
How does one acquire holy water?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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