69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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