Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
