If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Can I color on your dick again?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
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