We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
