Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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