this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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