Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
