I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
