don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
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