the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
