We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
