just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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