Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
