Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
