i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize