Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
