I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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