i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
The adults are the big ones right?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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