I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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