Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
