I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
be right there i have to get my cape
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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